I Guess It Had Been A While Since I've Puked In Vegas

So I'm not sure if I'm going to continue updating this or not as a result of having a lack of interest in writing lately, but I wanted to at least tell this story of one of the drunkest nights of my life. Saturday I awoke with a pretty nice hangover due to drinking for the first time in a week over at the full ring house party on the 4th. It didn't stop me from putting in a relatively long session at poker, although that's about the only productive thing I did all day. We headed to the Cardrunner's party that night which I was stoked about since it was 3 hours of free alcohol and food. I started drinking my captain and cokes and getting a new plate of food every 10 minutes, mind you it was just finger food like sliders and fruit. Some guy came up to Cow and Cow introduced him to us as another Cake reg that plays full ring with Ringer and I, and so we started talking. Come to find out he qualified for the English Poker Open as well, so hopefully I'll have somebody to travel with over in Europe. It was about this time that Tiltbad spotted 4 girls standing by themselves, which was rare since the guy to girl ratio at this party was about 50:1. I told him I'd wingman for him so we went over there and my pickup line was a huge success; it went like this:

Me: So do y'all play poker?

Blonde chick: No, but my fiance does

Haha oops. Note to self, while under the influence of alcohol remember to look at the ring finger of targeted girl before approaching so you don't look like an ass and have to try to think of a solid exit strategy on the spot.

Later I saw a very attractive brunette and would've approached her except in walks Brian Townsend and he walks up to her and puts his arm around her...oh snap that's Kara Scott, his girlfriend. Well shit he has nothing on me...he's only up like 1.5 mil this year or something but whatever I won't try to swoop in. Back to the fruit buffet.

I'm not sure how much I drank at the party but I know it was a lot for me and the drinks kept getting stronger and the coke started tasting like cherry coke. On the way out from the party I grabbed enough Cardrunner's shirts and hoodies to restock my poker wardrobe and then we headed across the street to O'Sheas to play some beer pong. Cow and I ended up playing Nutedawg and Ringer for $100 and $50 game respectively, and Cow and I ran the table on their ass. FYI, if you ever play Nute and Ringer, try bouncing the ball because their defense sucks. Then I met Kush and we reminisced about me talking shit to him at the table one day and him wondering who the fuck Dora the Explorer was (my screen name at the time). We then played a game against Nute's girlfriend and his friend. She and I put $2 on the game and when we won I got paid with a nifty $2 bill which I'm never going to spend. Can't say that I've even seen one before. I'm not sure how many games of beer pong we played, but it was way too many and all of the sudden I wasn't feeling so hot anymore. Somehow we left there and went to the Rhino and Kush and his buddy tried to convince me that I was the reason the bouncers let us in the back without having to pay a cover and got a free table, although I have a hunch someone else has the hookup there. Somehow I doubt telling them I'm Michael/Vizer and that I can't remember the name of my host got us the hookup for free.

A little while later this girl comes up to me and at this point I really was not feeling well. I could not even tell you what ethnicity she was, what hair color she had, wtf she said to convince me to get a dance from her, or anything. She starts giving me a lap dance and as soon as I got a whiff of her stripper perfume I realized I wanted to puke so bad. I didn't want to get up and leave her there because I knew I'd probably get tossed for not paying or something so I waited it out and thankfully the song went by super fast and before she could even finish saying "Do you want to go back to the V..." I had already busted out my wallet, paid her $2o, and was rushing off to the bathroom. Luckily they have 3 stalls in the bathroom and 1 of them was free because as soon as I hit the stall it was all over. I can't remember ever puking so much or for so long, and then when I got up to leave I realized I couldn't really even walk so I just stood there over the toilet holding myself up hoping that I didn't pass out. Eventually Cow came in and found me and asked me how long I'd be so I told him 10 minutes which would hopefully be long enough for me to get my shit together. He left to go get some lap dances because apparently he'd been looking for me for a while, even going so far as checking the VIP rooms. After a few more attempts at puking I finally decided I could walk and made it out to the table and all I could think about was how much the cab ride home was going to suck because everything was already spinning. Somehow I made it home without puking in the cab, albeit I did have to go up and puke a few more times in the bathroom, and after sitting outside relaxing for a while I mustered up the courage to try to go to sleep.

Needless to say, all I did yesterday was get in the pool, watch The Revolver (a totally fucked up movie btw), and go back to sleep.